B) This guy erased $90,000 in student loan debt in seven months by getting roommates, taking a flask to bars, and having a six-figure job from Dell. Wall Street Journal

C) Thirty-eight percent of 911 calls in New York in 2010 were from “butt dialing.” Dispatchers said they determined which calls were butt calls because all of the emergencies concerned running out of toilet paper. Device.

D) The second masseur in the John Travolta scandal has fired his lawyer, but says he’s still confident the case will have a happy ending. CNN.

E) People’s faces photographed while being blasted with air. Neat-o. io9.

Y’all ever seen that movie where Brad Pitt plays a soap salesman operating a terrorist cell from the basement of a dilapidated house? As much as I’ll always love Fight Club, Tyler Durden was wrong when he said you are not a unique and beautiful snowflake. Surprise: in the LSAT world you really are! As you’ve made your way through the course it’s likely that you’ve started to figure out which question types you’re consistently performing better on.

If you have your schedule organized to the second and your shoes are arranged by shoelace length, chances are you find ordering games pretty self-explanatory. If you pay attention to minute details and remember when the girl sitting next to you last wore the same outfit, you’re probably owning the Reading Comp section. If you’re consistently doing well on flaw questions it’s likely that you’ve got a decent bullshit detector in real life. Point being, every LSAT student is going to find that they prefer a certain type of question or section based off how they view the world. Personally, my downfall is Necessary questions. Perhaps my Positive Polly personality won’t allow me to turn Negative Nancy? On the other hand, give me a Strengthen question and I’m on it like stink on skunk (ewww). At the end of the day, every LSAT student is going to struggle and excel at something different.

With less than a month to go before the June LSAT, the one thing we can all agree to complain about is…timing. After LSAT Practice Exam 2 and adding timed elements to the Reading Comp section I keep wondering how I’m ever going to be able to get through all of the sections and keep up my accuracy. Should I petition LSAC and ask for more time on account of a bad case of chicken pox from my youth? Doubtful, at best. I overhear a lot of students in my LSAT class and talk to quite a few of you on the phone at work so if you thought that timing was something plaguing only you, you’re gravely mistaken. On the bright side, at least we’re done with learning new material.

Then there’s the other issue with time: finding it. Personally, this is one of my greatest foes. If you’re a student, chances are you’re done with finals. This means no more putting off the LSAT! Think Nike and just do it. If you’re like me, working a full time job and prepping for the LSAT, sorry, but not much has changed. Life is still hard and you may find your personal hygiene and diet worsening as a result.

If you’re working, find ways to make the extra time for homework (i.e. resign from Facebook). The black hole that is social networking likely deprives you of more time than you think. Like OMG, did you see that Jordan got engaged to that chain smoker guy with really bad earwax from our sophomore art history class? Oh my, you took another Instagram of a delicious meal that I don’t get to enjoy, thanks for making my main course of TopRamen even tastier. If you remember correctly, there was a time before Facebook. It was called MySpace. There was even a time before MySpace (don’t rebut with Friendster; that was never cool). With less than a month to go before the June LSAT, I think it’s safe to say that your online reputation will still be intact come June 11.

Stay beautiful, little snowflakes. And with that self-esteem boost, get off Facebook and make the time to finish your homework.

I’ve already discussed the LSAT scores of Rose and other big names of round one, but what about round two?

Let’s check into the game:

TIM DUNCAN, San Antonio Spurs — 177

Oh, the Spurs. So unassuming. So intelligent. So old. Tim Duncan has looked like the Tim Duncan of old thus far in the 2012 NBA playoffs. Tim Duncan’s the kind of guy you wouldn’t even know is studying for the LSAT because he wouldn’t tell anyone. He’d just put in the work, show up, and dominate. He’d knock down strengthen and weaken questions like a 15-foot jumper off the glass. Sure, he might get tripped up by a new, more youthful type of question at the end of the LSAT (maybe an LSAT reading comp question about the thunder?), but it won’t hurt his legacy.

LAVOY ALLEN, Philadelphia 76ers — 162

I know what you’re thinking: Who the hell is Lavoy Allen? Even some Sixers fans have been asking themselves this question. Allen is a rookie for Philadelphia whom ESPN ranked before the season started as the 500th best player in the league. In the team’s game two win over the Celtics, Allen came off the bench to contribute 10 points and eight rebounds — not to mention a tie-breaking bank shot heave as the shot clock expired on a critical possession late in the game. Allen’s game is peaking at the right time, much like an LSAT student hitting his prime on LSAT test day. Meanwhile…

METTA WORLD PEACE, Los Angeles Lakers — 123

The assaultist formally known as Ron probably has the freshest legs on the Lakers’ squad, what with his missing the first six games of the team’s seven-game series win over the Denver Nuggets. Metta is averaging 13.5 PPG in his two games since the suspension, but he chucked 11 3-pointers in one game and only pulled down two boards in the next. You never know what to expect out of Metta, a trait that would no doubt carry over into LSAT prep. Besides, can you even picture Ron Artest sitting down to take a test?

LEBRON JAMES, Miami Heat — 155

Now that Chris Bosh is out indefinitely with an abdomen injury, all the pressure for the Heat is on Dwyane Wade and newly crowned MVP LeBron James. And if we’ve learned anything about the “King,” it’s that he can’t handle pressure. He’s like the guy in the LSAT prep class who crushes every practice exam but doesn’t show up on LSAT test day with his best stuff — often passing his pencil to someone else to finish for him. Maybe things turn around this year, but I wouldn’t guarantee anything.

LARRY BIRD, Indiana Pacers President — 146

The Pacers are back, and Larry Legend has been a big part of it — at least the rest of the league thinks so. Today Bird was named 2011-2012 Executive of the Year, making Bird is the first person to ever win the MVP, Coach of the Year and Executive of the Year league awards. But it’s been reported that Bird plans to leave the team at the end of the year. So the Pacers will either win the league crown and send Bird out a winner, or stumble somewhere down the line and send him out with a so-so farewell. Based on the fact that I can’t think of more than two people who play for Indiana, it’s going to be tough for the Pacers to win Bird any more hardware.

B) The Catholic Church. Forcing colleges to drop health care plans since the Dark Ages! Reuters.

C) Talk about a short honeymoon. CNN.

D) If there’s one good thing that could come out of this story about cops using a Taser on a pregnant woman, it would be the chance that she gives birth to a baby superhero. The Stir.

E) It takes a special kind of heifer to grab this publication’s attention. The Onion.

Or at least advise.

If you’re one of those intrepid folk who decided to study for the June LSAT while still in school, I’m sure you’re feeling the crunch. My advice is simple: schedule the hell out of yourself. An undertaking this massive requires you to regiment your lifestyle. Figure out how much time you realistically need to devote to both finals study and LSAT prep and find a way to cram both into every day while still leaving time to eat and a little time to relax.

And while we’re on the subject of relaxation, a little every now and then is vitally important. You have to clear your mind and destress on a semi-regular basis so you don’t go nuts. Make sure relaxation time is scheduled. Preferably before you plan on going to bed every night. Set aside an hour to run through the DVR and catch up on the travails of Don and Megan Draper or read (gasp) a book that isn’t required for school.

What’s that you say? You’ve been slacking on your LSAT prep? For shame! Now’s a good time to be honest with yourself. How confident do you actually feel about your chances on the June LSAT? How confident do you feel about your chances on finals? Good grades and a good LSAT score are both vitally important in law school admissions, but only one can be put off until October. Just picture it. The whole summer. All yours. Just for LSAT study. No other schoolwork to worry about. Just you, flexing and toning your LSAT muscle. With all that excitement, who needs that trip to Hedonism III? I know you’ve already put in some work, but if you haven’t put in as much as you could have, you owe it yourself to take a look in the mirror. If you feel lost and unprepared, consider taking the October LSAT.

Whether you decide to go ahead and take the June LSAT or not, you must make sure that you are willing and able to dedicate the time necessary to both finals study and LSAT prep. You’ll thank yourself (and maybe me too) when you get admitted to a good law school.

B) Did Texas lethally inject an innocent man in 1989? Guilty, says one Columbia Law professor. Huffington Post.

C) When tweeting about your crummy job, remember that your higher-ups might read it and fire you. If you are the higher-up tweeting about your crummy job, you probably deserve to get canned. Wall Street Journal.

D) According to a recent poll, half of Americans think Facebook is a fad. The other half said they believe the site will be around forever, so if you could spare any FarmVille resources, that would be great. Caller.

E) If these horses could type, they’d type FML. BuzzFeed.

Authors have written books on how to ace them. Students have created catchy acronyms to approach them. There are even simulated programs in which you can enroll that will take you through a mock semester, including an actual final at the end.

And why is there so much stress over a test? Haven’t you taken a ton in undergrad?

Yes, you have. But nothing like a law school final.

The biggest difference between the law school final and the undergrad final is the relative import of the exam. In undergrad, your final grade is determined by midterms, other exams, maybe some homework, and the majestic class participation (on top of that final). In law school, it’s ride or die. That final sums up your entire semester in a class. If you have a bad day, you get a bad grade in the class.

On top of that, it covers an entire semester’s worth of material. Considering the sheer number of pages, broken up over a large amount of cases, that entails, it can be a bit daunting.

So they’re important and inclusive and terrifying – what do they actually look like?

Law school finals can be split up into two types: the issue spotter, and the paper.

The paper is more familiar, so let’s start there.

Generally, you’ll get an umbrella topic from your law school professor and have to come up with your own, specific thesis within that world. Unlike undergrad, however, you can’t fill up five pages with an introduction, conclusion, and a few charts/graphs/pictures you doodled on Draw Something.

Law school essays need to be clear, concise, and well-formulated. Half a page should introduce the entire essay; half a page should wrap it up at the end. In between, you better have a clear path from A to B. Copious headings should allow the professor to follow your argument just by reading the bold breaks in the essay. Each sub-section should establish what you’re trying to prove, prove it, and then transition.

In short, you have to make a clear and convincing argument for your thesis by establishing each relevant leg of it without wasting any space.

The essay is more of a 2L or 3L thing, though; 1Ls should expect to receive a number of issue spotter exams.

So what is it, and how should you approach it?

On this exam, you will get several situations. They’ll read like little stories where people are committing crimes, transferring property, and throwing bowling balls out the window (sometimes all three). In each story, several legal issues will be raised. You’ll have to spot these issues, and then write about them. Sometimes, you’ll be the lawyer for the defense; sometimes, for the prosecution. Sometimes you’ll be advising a client of his rights; others, drafting a brief for a partner on what the relevant law is.

Every time, though, you’ll have to spot all of the relevant issues, cite the relevant legal standards and precedent, and determine the likely outcome of the case.

No handholding here – you’re responsible for figuring out the questions (i.e. the issues) as well as the answers. If you’re lucky, the law school professor will allow you to use your book. However, when the answer is buried somewhere in several thousand pages of case law, you better have a general idea going in or you’ll be completely lost.

Luckily, everyone is going to feel a bit overwhelmed by these finals, so you’re not alone. Your first set of finals will be terrifying, and as much (if not more) will be riding on those grades as the LSAT (which seems to be the biggest thing ever to you pre-law students out there).

But relax. The people in my class who freaked out and spent two weeks living in the library, for the most part, did worse on their finals than those who put in the time to learn the material and took a few nights off to hang out with friends. Life is all about balance, and you’ll learn better if your body isn’t flooded with stress chemicals. Grab an outline from a 2L (or write your own if it helps you learn), memorize the legal standards, and grab a beer or two. You’ll be just fine.

B) A town in New Jersey has banned texting while walking — our first step toward a utopia devoid of all communication with people from New Jersey. CBA News.

C) Or maybe someone in the town read this study about texting while walking. LIBN.

D) “Why would my client, or anyone for that matter, stalk Alec Baldwin?” “Good point. Not guilty!” FindLaw.

E) Game of Thrones is running out of old dudes. The Onion.

What should a person such as yourself be doing right now? If you’re reading this during normal waking hours, then the answer is the following: studying. Of course, you could mix in the occasional meal or trip to the gym, but you need to put the schnoz to the grindstone.

Now is the time for you to firm up all those soft spots in your LSAT prep. Focus on the basics. Make sure your foundation is solid. You can’t have a nuanced understanding of the more obscure LSAT question types until you have a full understanding of the least obscure. Don’t worry about time. That can come in a couple weeks. Worry about technique. Once you can quickly identify LSAT question types and employ proper technique without having to think about it, speed will come.

Another oft-neglected item of interest: sleep. Yes, getting enough is important. But even more important is getting it at the right time. You need to train your body and mind to be ready for test taking at the proper time of day. For those of you used to sleeping in, breathe a sigh of relief. The LSAT is administered at 12:30 p.m. For those of you used to sleeping waaaaaaaaaaaaay in, adjust your schedule. I’d also recommend getting used to eating an early lunch so you don’t have a food coma right before your begin on LSAT test day.

What else should you be doing in your final month before the June LSAT? Not worrying too much about your LSAT score. Remember, you haven’t even learned everything there is to learn yet. Of course you’re going to run into the occasional stumper. It’s okay. You’ll survive. If you work as hard in your LSAT prep as you’re supposed to you’ll feel much more confident in a couple weeks. And it couldn’t hurt to lay off the brown liquor either.

B) It’s finals week at several law schools. Everyone keep your cool. You too, law professors. Above the Law.

C) The world’s deadliest frog is getting its own conservation so that it can repopulate and kill us all. The Chattanoogan.

D) If you’re one of the few remaining people who think the Mayans predicted the end of the world, just…just stop. USA Today.

E) Get in the Mother’s Day spirit by watching these awesome Mother’s Day surprise visits caught on camera. Huffington Post.