So, my first idea for this week’s entry was to write a response to Nick’s blog entitled, “A Ride on the Ultimate LSAT DiscoStick, Seducing the Man with a 180; A True Story”. This was met with general approval by editorial. Unfortunately, the entry would have been entirely fabricated, and I don’t know Nick well enough to be certain I could avoid sexual harassment allegations. So I decided to put it on the backburner.

Although, if there are any gentlemen out there who happen to have a 180 and are in the New York Metro area, let me know. I’m always looking for my next…um… blog topic.

Having discarded my first idea, I decided to waste some time and piss around on Microsoft Excel. My initial intention was to create some sort of budgeting spreadsheet, so I can pretend like I’m making an effort to prevent spending all my loan money before spring break. Unfortunately, I have a weak stomach. I quickly started feeling queasy, and decided to stick with my tried and true method of ignoring the problem.

Then, thanks to my sheer determination to figure out an way to play with the sweet pie chart maker on Excel and get paid for it (lucky for me, Colin has officially set the bar incredibly low) I started thinking about the general trajectory of my life. Which sounds lofty, and it was. And as with all paths of enlightenment, the quest was both bitter and sweet, and benefited greatly from Excel. So without further ado, let me explain my realizations, complete with visual aids.

So, once upon a time, I was in high school, and my method of spending my academic time could be summed up as such:

As you can see, my time was spent innocently, meandering through realities of a completely vanilla adolescence. Quite lovely, really.

Mysteriously enough, I managed to gain admission to an undergrad that offered more than just virtual classrooms, and set off on the next phase of academia. Alas, the lack of parental supervision and truancy officers somewhat reduced the amount of time I spent in class, so those four years blended into a strange combination, best represented as such:

Of course, since many of those bad life choices involved men, my college years weren’t entirely different from high school. Just completely devoid of any innocence.

Mysteriously enough, I managed not to die during those four years, and was ready for the next life phase. Which was a real job, so I don’t really remember anything but misery. That real job did, however, teach me an ounce or two of responsibility. So now that I’m back in school, the experience is not much like it was during undergrad. In fact, I actually go to class. Crazy, I know.

Yet, looking at my current academic pie chart still leaves me with a sense of déjà vu:

Say whaaaaaaaaa? That’s right, give me nearly a decade and a few degrees, and it seems that I revert to 15 years old all over again. Which is sweet, because I think that Taylor Swift and I could be really good friends.

But what might it mean for the rest of you? (I feel morally obligated to at least pretend you didn’t spend the last five minutes reading something entirely worthless). Well, this is likely not a mystery, but those days of glorious undergrad debauchery are not going to last forever. So get a good GPA, and get a good LSAT, but also go out and have some fun. Because soon enough, the information that Susie and Bobby were caught holding hands in the hallway is going to throw the student body into turmoil all over again. Seriously.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I just saw my BFF get a bathroom pass, and I better go meet her because we totally have to discuss that Shiloh might be a lesbian!!!!!! OMG, OMG, OMG.